


Dreaming is Free

by indevan



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Future Fic, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:42:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28414836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indevan/pseuds/indevan
Summary: Coming to L.A. had always been in the future, the one they used to discuss at length, or even over email, but coming now wasn’t planned
Relationships: Aomine Daiki/Kagami Taiga/Kuroko Tetsuya, Aomine Daiki/Kuroko Tetsuya, Kagami Taiga/Kuroko Tetsuya, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Dreaming is Free

**Author's Note:**

> this is ~technically canon divergence of the last game movie, but i'm not tagging it because the end of the extra game manga is different and that's what i'm sticking with for this--also, yes, almost five years since my last fic i've come back to this fandom. hello!

The first thing he notices is how bright it is: the searing heat of it. Kuroko thought he was used to light--literal or metaphorical--but this is almost too much. He nearly staggers back through the doors into baggage claim, but he thinks that security will yell at him if he does. Instead he walks into the brightness, the heat.

His overstuffed backpack presses on his shoulders and he stops to adjust it. Truthfully, Kuroko isn’t sure where to go. He’s been to America once, with his parents. They went to New York City before he started middle school. Kuroko had loved it. Everything there was a walkable grid and there were subways that could take you where you wanted to go. They were smelly and dirty and crowded, but they were there. He doesn’t see anything here. Just sky and sun and spiked trees jutting up into it.

The airport smells like exhaust and there’s cars everywhere. He wishes that he had called him or emailed him before coming. Before jumping on a plane into the great wide open. But he’s here and he’s hot and thirsty. His ears haven’t popped from the plane and his jaw aches from chewing gum.

Kuroko finds a bus to board and sorts out his money. Most of it is sitting in his account, accessible by a card, but he converted a good chunk of it before coming here. He doesn’t know how long he’ll be here or if he’ll have to buy his ticket back by this evening, but he thinks he’ll be fine for now.

He doesn’t think this is the right bus. Kuroko settles in his seat and looks out the window. His first introduction to the city is through the smeared, filthy window of the bus.

When it stops to let someone on at a stop near the beach, he gets off. There’s a basketball court here and, for a second, he thinks he might spot him, but--no. It’s younger kids, probably not even in high school, chasing after a ball. He watches the ball for a moment. Watches it thud on the concrete, an orange blur.

Kuroko walks past them to where there’s a beach. He walks down onto the hot sand in his sneakers, not caring if the sand gets in. He sits on it, feeling the heat through the seat of his jeans. In the distance, he can see surfers: dark dots bobbing on the water. The water is blue, but he’s heard Kagami tell him how it can burn your eyes if you’re out there too long because of the pollution. He wonders if he’s out there now but, like with the basketball players, it isn’t that easy.

Instead, he gets to his feet and finds a still working payphone. This isn’t like when he went to New York and taxis are circling. Not that one would notice him if he waved one down. He calls for a taxi as best he can. He practiced his English before coming here, with language apps and programs. There’s so many grammatical hangups and not every word is pronounced how it looks--even words that look the same--but. Kuroko thinks that it’s proof that this wasn’t an impulsive decision. That he thought long and hard before coming to Los Angeles with only an overstuffed backpack and himself. He had been planning this--before. Thoughts and plans and strategies for how to make it work.

Except, now, he simply tries not to think at all.

Kuroko has the address from a letter Kagami sent him and he reads it to the driver. He knows there’s an easier way to do this with rideshares and phone apps, but his phone is dead in his bag because he forgot to turn it off on the plane.

“Almost didn’t see you,” the driver says.

“I get that a lot,” Kuroko says.

Los Angeles is so much bigger than he thought. Everything is spread out and far away. Kuroko thinks that even people who live here might not get to see each other that often. He thought Tokyo was big, but there’s trains to connect it. Los Angeles seems to have nothing like that. Just cars--big gas guzzlers and fancy sports cars that look like hard candy--and buses.

Finally the taxi pulls into a place that doesn’t feel like part of the city to him. It looks like a regular neighborhood with trees and small houses. Kuroko quietly thanks the driver and leaves. There’s a crooked, chain link fence surrounding a small yard. A tree with purple flowers presses against the house. The yard is covered in purple petals. Kuroko walks over them. When he was at the airport, everything smelled like exhaust and grilled meat. Trees he passed had big, fat white flowers and glossy leaves. The edges of the flowers were curled and brown in the heat.

Here he smells the flowers from the tree. The ones underfoot smell strong, but those above him smell sweet like honey.

Kuroko knocks on the door and no one answers at first. Heat prickles on the back of his neck. Already, just standing here, he’s sweating--the backs of his knees, his eyelids, his hairline. What if he’s not home? What if he’s sitting here for hours? What if a neighbor sees him and calls the police?

The door opens.

He’s planned so many times what he’s going to say when he sees Kagami again. What he’s going to do. But, looking at him, he doesn’t know why he thought he could say or do anything. He can barely breathe. Barely look at him. Bright, searing light.

“Kuroko?” His eyebrows are raised in surprise. His mouth is slightly agape.

He wills his vocal chords to engage. To say something.

“Hello, Kagami-kun.”

\--

_ Before _

“Here.”

Kagami put a bottle of tea into his hand.

“Barley?” Kuroko read the label.

“All I got. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

They sat together on Kagami’s couch, their breathing synched. The Winter Cup was over. They won. Kuroko’s style of basketball won. Akashi lost for the first time in his life. There was a team party tomorrow but tonight it was him and Kagami.

He always came here, to Kagami’s apartment where he lived by himself. Kuroko liked it that way. Home was fine, but their place was too small for him, his parents, and his grandmother. Kagami’s apartment was too big just for him.

He scraped his hand twisting the cap off of the bottle of tea and took a sip. It was a bit too bitter for his tastes, but he drank it anyway. There was something in the air of the apartment, something charged, not just from their victory. Kuroko knew it had been building since their first, fateful meeting. He himself wasn’t sure of it until after the Interhigh. He and Kagami, on the court, staring up at Aomine’s blank, dismissive face. Something deep in his chest unfurled and not for himself, not for his desire to show the Generation of Miracles their style of basketball was wrong. Not for any sort of vengeance from middle school. The feeling in his chest was for Kagami, the way he slouched, defeated. He never wanted to see his face like that again.

He screwed the cap back on his bottle of tea and placed it on the coffee table. All around them, the empty air of the apartment seemed to buzz.

“Kuroko--”

Before Kagami could finish the thought, he kissed him. This was dumb, really, to just go for it without discussion. Kuroko didn’t know if Kagami was even into guys. He wanted to pull away, find a way to use his vanishing drive on him and dart out of the apartment.

Kagami kissed him back.

Things went quickly after that, so quickly. Everything was sped up and slowed down at once. Kuroko wondered if this was what Zone was like. There was the feeling of a mattress on his back, Kagami’s mouth, his hands. He touched him a bit roughly, energetically, but then backed off. They both seemed surely unsure.

Afterwards, Kuroko sat up in the bed and looked at him.

“I’ve never done that before,” he said.

“Me neither.”

“But you had--”

“Tatsuya. He dumped some here, saying it doesn’t hurt. I’m  _ not _ telling him he was right.”

Kagami gave a crooked smile and got in bed next to him.

Kuroko stared at his hands lying in his lap, pale even against the sheets of Kagami’s bed.

“When did you know?” he asked.

The mattress groaned as Kagami shifted next to him.

“About liking guys? I dunno. It was something that was kinda always there, but I never realized it ‘til later.” Kagami paused and stared up at the dark ceiling. They had turned the light on afterwards, and it was almost too bright. “I came out to my dad before I left for Japan.”

“What’d he say?”

“Then? He blamed Tatsuya, like he did for most things.” His mouth did a funny turn. “He blamed him for everything he could. Which I guess--for this--wasn’t super far off. He’s the one who taught me the word to put with what I was feeling.”

Kuroko conjured the image of Yosen’s Himuro in his eye. Kagami’s brother with his curtain of perfectly silken black hair and the beauty mark beneath his right eye.

“What about now?” he asked.

“He’s fine. My dad does that...flies off the handle and then he realizes he’s wrong and apologizes.”

Kuroko let a wry smile twist at his lips.

“Sounds like someone I know.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Kagami lightly cuffed at his face, his knuckles just grazing Kuroko’s cheek.

“What about you?”

He twisted the sheets between his fingers and then laid his palms flat on his thighs. They twitched a bit and Kuroko was sure that he would be in pain tomorrow. But he didn’t care. No regrets.

“I was in middle school,” he said. “I dated Aomine-kun.”

“Oh.” Kagami’s face changed. “I figured. Did you--”

He shook his head.

“No, this is my first time. I already told you, Kagami-kun.”

They got close, once, kissing in the empty locker room. Aomine’s hands went under his shirt and they both froze, too nervous to continue. Kuroko didn’t tell him that. Instead he asked him about hearing about being gay from Himuro.

“We used to go to WeHo as kids. Take the bus and walk around Santa Monica Boulevard.”

“WeHo?”

“West Hollywood,” he clarified. “I’ll take you some time.”

Kuroko smiled.

“I’d like that.”

\--

_ Now _

There’s a slight limp to Kagami’s step when he lets him in the house. Kuroko knows from his letters and emails that he’s surrendered his dreams for the NBA. Playing too hard too young messed his body up too much. He consoled him as best as he could over a computer screen, knowing his words couldn’t really help him.

“Here. You can sleep here.”

He gestures to a couch. The house is only one story and squat, stucco. It has bright blue tile and there’s brightly colored squares of tile pressed into the plaster of the walls, particularly in the kitchen. Kuroko puts his bag on the couch.

“It doesn’t pull out, but I can get you blankets and stuff, I.” Kagami stops and rushes his fingers through his hair. “I just can’t believe you’re here. What the fuck--Kuroko, you didn’t even say anything.”

Coming to L.A. had always been in the future, the one they used to discuss at length, or even over email, but coming now wasn’t planned. Kuroko remembers holding himself, rocking back and forth on Aomine’s couch.  _ Help me, help me, _ he kept saying. Aomine looking at him blankly, tired out from worrying:  _ I am helping you. _

“Sorry. But I’m here.”

“You’re here. Yeah.” Kagami gives a slight smile. “Don’t get me wrong--I’m not upset. Just surprised. I.”

Promises neither of them kept. Kuroko swallows and stares at him, everything from home washing over him. And there’s Kagami, looking beautiful in the afternoon light. He knows he’s jetlagged and exhausted because he didn’t manage to sleep on the plane at all, but Kuroko feels like this was all worth it. He hasn’t seen Kagami’s face in three years. The time hits him, then, the distance. Kuroko nearly falls over, but he doesn’t. He has to maintain.

“Wanna get something to eat?” Kagami asks. “You’ve got to be hungry.”

He isn’t, but there’s a burning feeling in the pit of his stomach that denotes that he probably  _ should _ eat. He nods.

“Cool. Cool. It’s--c’mon. We’re gonna go get burritos.”

His smile is a bit more genuine and it makes Kuroko give one back. When they leave, Kagami’s arm brushes his.

“Sorry,” he says.

He knows that Kagami is apologizing for the accidental contact. He doesn’t know if he’s allowed anymore.

“Don’t be.”

Kuroko’s arm tingles. Things left unsaid. Promises unfulfilled. He almost goes into the driver’s side of Kagami’s car before he realizes it’s an American car and gets in on the passenger side instead. In the taxi, he sat in the back. This feels backwards. Kagami’s car is kind of old and red with black on the lower half of it. It takes a few twists of the key in the ignition to get it going.

“The windows sometimes don’t roll up,” he says, “but I got this myself without my dad’s money, so. Yeah.”

He backs the car out of the driveway and speeds down the street. Loud rock music comes from the stereo, barely drowned out by the wind whipping through the open windows.

“Where’s Himuro-san?” he asks.

“Work.”

Basketball didn’t work out for him either, but Kuroko doesn’t think it hit him as hard as it did with Kagami.

“This early?”

From Kagami’s emails and letters, he knows that Himuro works tending bar at a gay club.

“There’s a show tonight and he’s helping them set up. We can go if you aren’t too tired.”

Kuroko thinks back.

“Is it in WeHo?”

There’s one thing Kuroko has always appreciated about Kagami, long before he developed feelings for him. His  _ openness. _ Every emotion is written plainly on his face and there are no hidden motives. He sees how his bringing it up makes Kagami smile.

“It’s downtown.”

There are so many parts of Los Angeles, but--the same could be said about Tokyo. Kuroko thinks again about how closed in and compact New York City felt when he went there. Everything crushed together and even traversable by foot. Los Angeles seems sprawling, huge--impossibly so. You have to drive everywhere. He’s heard Kagami complain about the cost of gas. He can smell the fumes from Kagami’s car and a whiff of mock orange as they speed away from the little neighborhood where their house is and into the wide open city.

There’s something between them in the car, between the seats, riding on the clutch where Kagami’s hand rests. The unspoken. Even with the wind whipping between them, it feels heavy and stifling. Why Kuroko is here without any warning. Why he never came before. He knows he has a lot of explaining to do but, for now, he lays back and lets the wind batter his ears and whip at his face.

\--

The taco place is bright: cotton candy pink with a mural of animals playing with children running along the side. It’s only a walk up window with a wipe board to show the menu. There’s a few concrete tables shaded by umbrellas with molded concrete benches in front of it. Kagami places their order and Kuroko stands next to him. He angles his body towards him and wonders if anyone thinks they’re dating.

Part of him hopes so. Part of him wants strangers to look and think that they’re boyfriends, like they used to be. It’s a selfish whim, but he finds himself not caring.

The cashier hands over Kagami’s change and he dumps the coins into the glass jar asking for tips. The cashier leaves and comes back with a red plastic tray. On it are two cardboard boats, each supporting a burrito wrapped in foil. A huge styrofoam cup sits between them. Kagami takes the tray and leads him to an empty table.

It’s hot and Kuroko’s eyes and limbs ache. The flight took a lot out of him, but--he doesn’t want to sleep. He wants to be at this table, eating burritos with Kagami. The smell wafts from them, making his mouth water and his stomach burn. It’s easy to see who’s is whose. One burrito is small and the other is roughly the size of a blimp.

“It’s just ground beef, cheese and lettuce, but it’s fantastic,” Kagami says. “I got you chicken, though. And onions and tomatoes--health freak.”

He smiles, bright like the sun. Kuroko knows he made the right choice coming here. He takes his burrito and peels back the foil. The chicken is marinated in something lightly spiced and it’s--amazing. He swallows as big of a mouthful as he can. Across from him, Kagami is halfway through his massive burrito.

“Here.” He passes him the cup. “It’s limeade. Best in the city, I swear.”

Kagami has already had a sip from the cup. There’s a bit of chewed ground beef on it. He isn’t that repulsively still attached to him, so Kuroko wipes it with a napkin before taking a sip. His jaw twinges with how tart it is, but it’s good too.

“Tatsuya always says something like--wait lemme remember because it’s so dumb. It’s like ‘if there’s a God and they sweat, this is probably what that sweat tastes like.’”

Kuroko nearly chokes on the drink. Kagami is laughing and everything feels so natural. He thinks back to before, when they were in high school. Sitting with him in a booth at Maji Burger, sipping his vanilla shake and hoping Kagami would take pity on him and toss him one of his dozen burgers so he wouldn’t have to buy one himself. He takes another bite of his burrito.

When they finish, Kagami balls up their foil into one ball. With perfect form, even sitting, he shoots it into the trashcan. Kuroko can almost hear the  _ whoosh _ of the net. He swallows and his fingers twitch. He turns to look at him.

“Kagami-kun, before we go back, can we stop at a convenience store? I forgot some things.”

“Sure thing.”

Kagami looks a bit suspicious, like he still doesn’t get why or how Kuroko is here, but he’s trying to hide it. He can’t blame him. Two years ago, they emailed each other multiple times a day, making plans for Kuroko to come to L.A. when he was on break from college. He still has them archived on his account. Kagami saying,  _ Or I can come there! _ and neither of them doing it. Kagami’s basketball dreams crashing down, Kuroko’s own world unraveling as, again, he can’t stop things from changing.

He drives him to a drugstore where Kuroko buys a toothbrush and toothpaste.

“You forgot all that?” Kagami asks.

“I left pretty suddenly. I just have clothes.”

“What happened?”

Kagami leans against the shelves, his elbow nearly taking out a bottle of shampoo. Kuroko shakes his head. He doesn’t have the words yet.

“Later.”

There are too many choices of deodorant. Kuroko stares at them for too long before settling on one that’s silver with a red cap. There’s wolves on the front and it smells almost sweet. He carries his purchases to the front. At the register, there’s a little display of lighters. Kuroko picks one that looks like a Lakers jersey and adds it to his purchases.

“Can I get a pack of…” He stares past the cashier at the wall of tobacco products. Unsure which to pick since his regular brand isn’t among them, he points. “Those.”

“ID?”

He shows his passport. Kuroko knows that Kagami’s eyes are on him as he pays for his items and takes the plastic bag with “THANKYOU!” printed on it multiple times as one word.

“Since when do you smoke?” Kagami twists the key twice in to unlock all four doors.

Kuroko doesn’t answer him at first. He climbs back into his seat and buckles his seatbelt. He puts his bag on his lap.

“It’s a recent thing,” he says. “I try not to smoke more than a pack every two weeks.”

It’s not really a lie. He certainly  _ tries, _ but he isn't often successful. Aomine hates it. He would tell him to smoke in the bathroom or outside. Once, when he lit up in his bedroom, he took the cigarette from his mouth and tossed it out the window.  _ You could start a fire, Aomine-kun, _ he’d said.  _ Worth it, _ was Aomine’s reply.

Despite his words, Kagami is looking at him in an odd sort of way as he pulls away from the curb.

He’s looking at him as if he’s a stranger.

\--

Kuroko can’t sleep. His body is wrecked, exhausted from his flight. The couch isn’t uncomfortable, either, but--he can’t sleep. He lies on his back and stares at the ceiling. He can fit on their couch without bending his legs. He imagines that Kagami and even Himuro can’t. If Kuroko points his toes, they can barely brush the arm of it. Himuro’s feet must bump up on top of the arm. Kagami’s have to dangle off of it.

Above him, the ceiling is nothing but swirling darkness. The smoke detector is a tiny pinprick of green light to his left. He isn’t sure what time it is, only that sleep escapes him. His head is too full.

He knows Kagami is asleep even if he can’t hear him. In the time he’s known him, despite his size, Kagami doesn’t snore. He sleeps deeply and silently, with only the presence of his breath as a signifier that he’s even alive. Kuroko used to reach and poke at his cheeks while he slept, knowing he wouldn’t wake up.

The sound of a key in a lock. Kuroko sits up. To his merit, Himuro is trying to be quiet as he walks through the living room, but he’s already awake. He can see his shadow, smell the alcohol on his.

“Himuro-san.”

The shadow jumps.

“Shit,” he hisses.

His hand flicks the light on and Kuroko has to close his eyes for a moment against the brightness.

“Sorry,” Kuroko says.

“Don’t be. I should apologize for waking you up.”

“I was already awake.”

“Oh.”

Himuro looks much the same. Even the weariness in the eye that Kuroko can see can’t diminish his beauty. He doesn’t sound drunk, which means that the alcohol on him is probably just from serving it to people all night.

“Did Kagami-kun tell you I was here?”

He nods.

“Yeah--hi. By the way.”

Himuro walks into the kitchen and, with nothing else to do, Kuroko throws off his blankets and follows him. Watches him fill a glass with water from a pitcher in the fridge.

“Why are you here?” Himuro asks. “Other than to do Taiga’s head in.”

He shakes his head.

“That isn’t why.”

“Seems that way.”

He exchanges the pitcher for a jar of pickles. Himuro puts his full glass on the counter and holds the jar in one hand. With barely any effort, he twists the lid off. Kuroko is reminded that despite his incredible beauty and fine-boned appearance, Himuro is very strong.

“It wasn’t calculated or anything. I just needed to get out. To see Kagami-kun.”

“Right.”

“Whether or not you believe me, it’s true.”

Himuro reaches two fingers into the jar and pinches a pickle slice between his fingers.

“Does Atsushi know you came here?”

He shakes his head. “No.”

No one but Aomine, who was with him during his breakdown. Who took him to the airport.

“Oh.” Himuro tries to hide his disappointment. He fails. “He’ll be mad.”

Highly likely. Their Los Angeles plans once involved traveling together. Murasakibara is back in Tokyo, too. Until recently, he had been in Italy, where he was on some study abroad for culinary school.

Himuro eats another pickle.

“Get some sleep,” he says.

Kuroko knows that he’s done talking to him, at least for now. He nods and leaves the kitchen.

\--

_ Then _

The basketball was a blur as Himuro dribbled it. He moved gracefully down the concrete court, deftly maneuvering around Kagami’s screen. To Kuroko, it looked almost like he was ice skating and playing basketball at the same time. He sat on one of the vacant benches, watching them. They were playing a one on one game, switching out when it suited them. Technically, Murasakibara should have been there, too, but he was with his family since he and Himuro were only in Tokyo for a few days.

“Are you both staying at his house?” Kuroko asked when they took a break.

“No. I’m staying with Taiga.”

Himuro spun the ball on one finger and then sat with it, legs outspread.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “I won’t interrupt your love fest.”

Kagami’s face--already flushed with exertion--went even redder. Kuroko chewed his lip, not embarrassed enough to blush, but hearing it put out there simply wasn’t what he expected.

“Atsushi’s parents won’t let me stay there--they think we’re having sex.”

“Are you?” Kuroko asked. Two could be blunt.

Himuro shrugged.

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“I mean. I’ve been out since I was thirteen. I know my affect on guys.” He rolled the ball back and forth with two hands. “I mean, not like I just go with anyone. Atsushi is different. He’s the first guy  _ I _ chased rather than who chased me. He...”

Himuro trailed off, but Kuroko got what he meant. He knew it from when he looked at Kagami, before they did anything. The feeling in his chest that he had felt only once before. But new, different. Even looking at him now filled him with warmth.

“Yo, Taiga--can you run to the store for lunch? We’ll hold the court.”

Kagami looked startled.

“Why me?”

“You can carry the most. Right, Tetsuya?”

It surprised him to hear Himuro switch so easily to his first name, but he caught himself and nodded. Kagami got to his feet. He winced a bit when he put weight on one leg, but shook it out and stood normally.

“Sure. What do you want?”

“Just a spicy cod roe onigiri and one of those grapefruit sodas.”

“Cool.” He paused. “You both suck, by the way.”

“Aw, don’t say that, Taiga. You love us.” Himuro made a kissy face and gave a short laugh.

Kagami ignored him and left without asking what Kuroko wanted. He wasn’t worried, though. Kagami didn’t ask because he already knew. When he was gone, Himuro fixed his gaze on him. Kuroko imagined that even without his hair covering one eye, his face would be nearly impossible to read. People claimed the same for him, especially after Akashi had told him to keep his emotions off of his face, but Himuro’s face was a riddle.

“You and Taiga.”

He nodded.

“Yes.”

“You care about him, huh?”

_ My past with Tatsuya versus my future with you? _

Kuroko nodded.

“A lot.”

Himuro regarded him for a long moment and Kuroko knew now what this was. This wasn’t his weirdly intense, cool gaze. This was Himuro as Kagami’s big brother, making sure Kuroko was good enough for him. He sat up straighter.

“Good,” he said. “Good. Taiga’s never--well. Don’t hurt him. And I don’t mean that in any macho, posturing way. Just don’t.”

There was no threat spoken, but it danced between his words. It was held in his one-eyed gaze, in the set of his mouth. Kuroko nodded again.

“I won’t.”

Himuro smiled just enough to show the edges of his teeth. “Good.”

\--

_ Now _

Kagami leaves for work early. He works as a cook at a restaurant and, before he leaves, he says, “It’s one of those trendy brunch places. I’ll be back by two thirty.” He lets Kuroko get on his computer and shows him how to work the shower. How he can let the water run get hot, but not for too long because of water restrictions. Kuroko nods to all of this. The air is heavy with things he hasn’t said. He can tell that Kagami wants to push, wants to figure out what led Kuroko to buying a one way plane ticket and showing up on his doorstep, but he doesn’t.

He knows that he ought to take a shower. He’s  _ ripe _ and his hair is greasy, and it feels like grime from the plane still clings to him. But, instead, he goes to where Kagami’s laptop is plugged in and turns it on.

The chat client he normally uses to communicate with people isn’t logged in, which makes sense since he knows that Kagami doesn’t have an account. It’s why their correspondence is over text and email. Kuroko logs in under his own name, knowing he has a ton of messages. Most of which are from Aomine.

_ > did you land? _

_ > tetsu! _

_ > what the hell happened? _

It continues like that for at least a dozen more messages. Kuroko answers him. He apologizes for not responding. He owes Aomine that, at least. At the very least. Bringing him to the airport--supporting this--it goes against his best interest, all things considered. But he still did. Kuroko remembers his flat, deadpan voice after he pleaded with him.  _ I am helping you. _

There’s a message from Momoi, demanding to know why he didn’t tell her he was leaving. A few from Kise asking if he’s alright. He clicks open the message from Murasakibara

_ > Kuro-chin...I’m going to crush you >:( _

He apologizes to him and Momoi. Too many apologies. He isn’t sure if he really means it like he did with Aomine. If he’s that selfish. He assures Kise that he’s fine.

He closes the top of the computer and figures that he ought to shower now. He keeps quiet, because Himuro is asleep. In the bathroom, he opens a window so he can smoke while the water warms up. He doesn’t really remember exactly when he started, just that he did. His mind goes back to Kagami’s surprise and Aomine’s disgust back home. Kuroko puts it out on the porcelain lip of the sink and brushes the ash away. He strips from his pajamas and puts himself under the warm spray.

Truthfully, he wants to spend forever under the hot blast of water, but he can’t. He washes quickly and takes a towel folded on the rack to wrap around his waist.

He brushes his teeth, the bristles on his brush too new and rough. He puts on his deodorant and takes out clothes he had shoved in his backpack. He usually folds things nicely, but he vaguely remembers flinging things into the backpack, cramming it down. His t-shirt is wrinkled and his jean shorts have weird lines in them. He puts them on anyway. It’s hot, even in the house. He wonders how Himuro and Kagami can stand it. He hasn’t even stepped outside and he feels like he’s covered in a sticky film. The hot shower probably didn’t help, but Kuroko has never liked cold showers.

He walks back over to the laptop to see if anyone responded. Aomine has. He thinks about what time it is back home and why Aomine is up. It’s probably because of him.

_ > did you fuck him yet? _

_ > it’s okay if you did _

_ > that’s what you went there for right? _

As much as he wanted to kiss Kagami the second he saw him, he didn’t. Not with everything between them.

_ > some fucking nervous breakdown _

_ > sent you across the fucking ocean _

He doesn’t tell Aomine what has or hasn’t happened with him and Kagami, but he assures him he’s alright. If he does it enough, he might believe it himself. But Aomine’s right. A breakdown on top of a breakdown. Thinking that seeing Kagami would make him feel better. It has and it hasn’t. He knows he has to explain himself but how?

He doesn’t tell Aomine this. He tells him to get some sleep.

\--

Sitting alone on the couch with Kagami at work and Himuro still asleep, Kuroko thinks about Kise. His worry over him in every overwrought emoji he typed. Kise has always been like that--theatrical. Kuroko used to not be able to stand him. He respected him for his talent--more than just a copy of a copy--but back then he wouldn’t say that he liked him.

Kise was all defense mechanisms and hand gestures. Shrill cries and overreactions to things. Putting on a show for someone, anyone.

Kuroko pulls up his social media. Photo after photo of Kise. His bright white smile of perfect teeth. His yellow-gold eyes rimmed with razor sharp eyeliner. His perfectly symmetrical face. Photos of Kise wearing a snorkel underwater. Wearing a snowsuit and mittens and posing with a snowman. Next to celebrities and models and idols. He scrolls on. If he had one of these accounts, Kuroko wonders what he would put on it. Pictures of Nigou, probably. He thinks of the dog, probably unaware that he’s gone and enjoying being spoiled by both of Aomine’s mothers at their apartment.

He stops on a picture posted on New Year’s. Kise kissing Kasamatsu with a clock chiming midnight behind them. Shortly after their conversation at the court, Kuroko had brought up to Himuro once how surprised he was that so many people he knew were gay (or bi, in some cases, like Aomine). Himuro had frowned and said, “I thought that, too, and--I know a good amount of straight people, I guess, but it’s also that like attracts like.”

Like attracts like. Kuroko looks at the photo and scrolls back up to the top. He stops at a picture from only a couple months ago. June. Kise’s birthday. A closeup of him and Kasamatsu, cheek to cheek.  _ ENGAGED!! _ the caption declares, in all caps. Kuroko stares at the location: Santa Cruz. Kise’s living there, it seems. Miles away in California measurements, but closer than he thought. If he finds out he’s here, he’s bound to come. Get a red eye flight or drive until he’s here. Kuroko doesn’t think he knows how to handle him anymore, or can look him in the eye. Anything he tells him is a direct funnel to Momoi. Unless Aomine’s already told her.

His mind flickers to Aomine’s messages.  _ Did you fuck him? _ and  _ It’s okay if you did. _ Kuroko’s vision blurs and he closes out of his phone. He presses his fingers to his temples and takes a deep breath. He needs a smoke, but after his one in the bathroom, he doesn’t want to chance it inside.

Instead, he sits on the steps of the porch. It’s hot, even hotter while he’s smoking, but he doesn’t go inside. He stares at the people who mill by on the sidewalks. The cars that drive too fast down a residential street. Especially one like this where cars are parked on the street if there are no driveways. He smokes his cigarette down to the filter and then walks back into the house to deposit it into the trashcan. When he walks into the kitchen, he sees that Himuro is up. He’s eating pickles from the jar again, but these are whole as opposed to the slices from last night. Kuroko wonders how many different jars of different kinds of pickles are kept in the fridge. He also wonders if Himuro eats anything else.

“Why now?” he asks when he sees him, wasting no time and not even bothering with pleasantries. “Why are you here now? Taiga was just getting over you.”

“I needed to see him.”

_ I had a nervous breakdown, because things change no matter how I try to stop them, no matter how I want them to go my way. Things were spiraling out of control. Kagami-kun is stability and light. He’s what I need. _

But he can’t say that. Not to Himuro, at least. Not when he hasn’t figured out how to say it out loud to Kagami.

“I didn’t need for him to get over me.”

Himuro licks pickle juice off his fingers and glares.

“You seemed to have no problem getting over him.”

“That isn’t true.”

“Right.”

Kuroko sucks in a deep breath. Tamps down his emotions. Keeps his face neutral.

“What feelings I have for Kagami-kun are none of your business.”

This is the wrong thing to say, because Himuro looks like he wants to spit bits of pickle at him like bullets.

“Like hell they aren’t! Because who’s the one here to make him feel better after you kept putting off a trip or didn’t show up or whatever fucking else happened? Me!” Himuro slaps himself on the chest. “I’m his family. You’re a manipulative shit! You had us both fooled.”

He wonders, briefly, how long Himuro has wanted to say this to him. He doesn’t know how to respond so he lets him keep going.

“You show up out of nowhere--without warning--and expect to be the center of his life again. Or you expect  _ him _ to be there for you and whatever shit you got yourself into. I thought you cared about him. You  _ told me _ you wouldn’t hurt him.”

He isn’t making much sense, but that’s what anger is like. Himuro keeps a cool head until he doesn’t. Until the person he views as causing problems for his younger brother is standing in his kitchen. Kuroko remembers what he said the first time they played Yosen in their first year:  _ Come at me like you want to kill me. _ Himuro is  _ intense. _ He tries not to buffeted by his hailstorm.

“I do,” he says. “I care about him more than I care about most anything else.”

Himuro scoffs.

“Does Aomine know that?”

\--

_ Then _

Aomine jumped up to wrap his arms around Kagami as they walked. He bit at the shell of his ear playfully. Kuroko watched them both, something stirring low in his abdomen. He couldn’t place it. Not really. He had a  _ suspicion _ for what it was, but he couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t sure if this was him being selfish--of wanting both of his lights--or something true. Ever since they played together, Aomine and Kagami had been very nearly getting alone. They got teasing like this. Aomine getting tactile and Kagami shrugging him off, shaking his head but smiling.

It made him happy. That they got along. It made sense. They had more in common than they didn’t, after all.

“Almost a year, right?” Aomine asked.

It was close to his and Kagami’s anniversary. The end of the Winter Cup. Seirin was doing well even without Kiyoshi on the court. His presence was still felt on the bench, his cries louder than anyone else. He would pound the end of his crutch onto the polished wood in time to yelling “DE-FENSE!”

Touou was out, though. Aomine’s wrist and elbow acting up in tandem had put him on the bench and in a foul mood. He seemed better, though, after playing street ball with Kagami. He was still rolling his wrist and wincing, but his spirits were higher. The way he pinched and prodded at Kagami.

“You should celebrate now,” he said, “In case you lose the Winter Cup and don’t feel like celebrating.”

“Asshole,” Kagami replied, but his voice lacked heat. “You’re out so how would we lose?”

Kuroko looked at him and very seriously said, “I’m calling Himuro-san and telling him that.”

Aomine laughed.

“Nah. Tell Akashi. He’ll sic his three kings on you.”

Kagami waved his hand.

“I was just trying to be nice to him.”

Aomine raised his eyebrows.

“Oh?” He pointed to himself. “Me? Damn. I’m so touched.”

Kagami swiped at him and Aomine dodged gracefully, laughing all the while. Kuroko watched them both, feeling a smile tug on his lips.

“Celebrating sounds nice,” he said.

To his surprise, both Kagami and Aomine smiled back at him.

That was how they ended up at Aomine’s apartment looking for alcohol. Kagami didn’t have any at his, except for anything that Alex may have left behind whenever she was in Japan last.

“Will your moms care if we take it?” Kagami asked.

“Nah.” Aomine paused in the open doorway and frowned. “We won’t take much.”

Kuroko had only met Aomine’s two mothers a handful of times, but he liked them. He stopped and looked at a framed photo on the bookshelf near the entrance to the kitchen. Aomine as a toddler, held by them both. He was grinning broadly and holding a basketball that dwarfed his entire torso. Aomine hadn’t told him too much about them, but Kuroko knew that his mom had slept with a guy once, in high school, and gotten pregnant with him. In the photo, it occurred to him that they were probably both his own age in it. Kuroko couldn’t begin to think about being a parent right now. Especially not since he was currently sneaking alcohol with his boyfriend and ex-boyfriend.

Aomine didn’t know when his mothers were due home from work, so they jammed the cans of Asahi he liberated from the fridge into their school bags and took the train to Kagami’s apartment.

The moment they were inside, Aomine took his shoes off and moved into the living room to flop on the couch. He pulled one of the cans from his bag and moved to pop the top.

“Wait,” Kagami said. “Let it settle.”

Kuroko nodded. He reached out to bump his knuckles against his. Kagami looked down and smiled at him. Early celebration or not, it was nearly their anniversary. He felt--good. Happy and whole.

He joined Aomine on the couch and took the beer he handed him. Kagami went into the kitchen and came back with three half-drunk bottles of something.

“Alex left these behind,” he said. “They smelled potent.”

They sat together, drinking and listening to music. Kuroko felt warm and fuzzy after a beer and a half, snuggled into Kagami’s arms. He knew Aomine was looking at him as he drank from the bottle, and he let him. He wasn’t sure why his gaze was so welcome, but he rode it out.

It came when they drank up the beer and it became that all three of them took turns with the bottles, passing them around in a tight triangle. The first sip stung and burned when Kuroko swallowed it and he gagged. He preferred sweet-tasting things. The second sip went down easier.

“I love you,” Kagami said.

He said it in English and as he spooned him from behind. He nuzzled at Kuroko’s neck, peppering it with little kisses. Aomine’s eyes were on them--or as well as they could be with how unfocused they were. His hand was wrapped around the neck of the bottle.

Kuroko heard himself declare that he wanted Aomine and Kagami to kiss, and they did. Their mouths worked against each other and, then, they were both kissing him. Everyone tasted like spit and beer and the sour edge of whatever was in the bottles. Hands began moving after that.

“If we regret this tomorrow, we can blame the booze,” Kagami said, sounding breathless.

But Kuroko wasn’t thinking about that. In his mind, it was already tomorrow, and he didn’t regret anything.

\--

_ Now _

Kagami comes home with a box of takeout.

“I know you probably didn’t eat,” he says.

It’s little things like that that make Kuroko think that he still might love him, like he used to. But he doesn’t know. To make the distance easier, they broke up after high school. There was going to be an ocean between them, after all, and seventeen hours.

“Thank you.”

He opens the styrofoam clamshell container and the savory smell hits him, making his mouth water.

“It’s eggs benedict,” Kagami says from behind him.

He’s back from the kitchen with a fork. Kuroko doesn’t move from the couch. The kitchen was where he had had his confrontation with Himuro. After that, he had disappeared into his room and Kuroko knew better than to go after him.

“It’s California-style eggs benedict, though,” he says, “which means that there’s sliced avocado in there and also some in the hollandaise, which is why it’s a little green. It’s pretty good.”

“Thank you,” he says again.

He cuts into it with the side of his fork. Bright yellow egg yolk oozes out. His first forkful has a bit of everything and Kagami’s right--it’s delicious. He’s sitting next to him on the couch, his expression clearer than anything. He wants to question him. He wants answers. He wants Kuroko to open up and spill why he’s here.

“Kuroko--” Kagami stops himself and frowns as if he isn’t sure the right way to word it. “I’m worried about you. I’ve  _ been _ worried about you. This isn’t you--you just showed up. You  _ smoke _ now.”

He thinks he’s hidden it well--his spiraling. Tried to keep it out of their exchanged emails. But Kagami is more perceptive than people give him credit for--than he gives  _ himself _ credit for.

“I needed to get away,” he says quietly.

He can’t say what he had thought before, what he couldn’t say to Himuro. It’s too...vulnerable. He’ll expose himself like a nerve.

“Tell me why.”

“Everything is...changing,” he says. That sounds weak. “It reminds me of middle school. Like I’m on the platform watching a train crash, but I can’t do anything to stop it.”

The pain of it. Watching his first boyfriend become someone else because so many people called him a monster that he started to believe it. Watching his friends become people he didn’t even know--literally, in Akashi’s case.

“Why?”

It’s a simple word, but it hit him like a slap. Kagami isn’t asking it in a rude way--he’s just asking.  _ Why? _ He makes himself look at him, at his red eyes, his goofy eyebrows, the way he’s only just now noticing that his hair is a little shaggier than he remembers.

“Everything is changing at once.”

The crush of it, the claustrophobia. Mixing with something in his brain’s chemistry that made him freak out. Grabbing at Aomine’s arm begging him to take him to the airport.  _ I already bought a ticket. I just need to see him. _ Aomine’s face later, blank and tired.

_ I am helping you. _

Kagami reaches out, but doesn’t touch him. His hands hover over his and Kuroko nods his consent. He wants him to ground him, hold him in place. Kagami takes his hands.

“Tell me what’s changing.”

What he’s always appreciated. Kagami doesn’t try to hide his motives. He’s direct and honest. When he isn’t, Kuroko can tell. Telling him to throw away the necklace with his ring on it--the one Kuroko is looking at right now so he doesn’t have to focus on his face.

He feels his hands begin to shake in Kagami’s. Kuroko takes a deep breath.

“Kise-kun lives here now,” he says.

Kagami nods.

“He does. He comes down every now and then to stay for the weekend. He and Tatsuya go clubbing and to karaoke places.”

“Not you?”

“I’m not a singer.”

Kuroko shakes his head.

“No--not that. The clubs.”

“Oh.” He frowns. Falters. “Sometimes. Clubs aren’t really my scene.”

There’s something else he isn’t saying. Kuroko bites his lip, amazed at his own selfishness. That he didn’t think of it.

“Kagami-kun...are you seeing anyone?”

He looks startled and then shakes his head.

“No. Tatsuya tries to hook me up with guys and I’ve tried that app, but. No. No.”

He doesn’t say anything. Kagami squeezes his hands gently.

_ “No,” _ he says again.

What kind of person is he that he gets this reassurance when it isn’t even owed to him?

“Okay,” he says.

“Who’s next?”

He thinks for a moment.

“Murasakibara-kun finished culinary school.”

“Yeah. He told Tatsuya. He was supposed to come with you here, remember?”

“Are they…”

“Who knows? They did the same thing we did--distance breakup. But I know Tatsuya still has a thing for him.” Kagami shoots a look to Himuro’s closed door and then turns back and lowers his voice for when he speaks next. “Whenever guys hit on him at work, he gets pissy and says none of them are tall enough.”

Kuroko lets out a soft, breathy laugh.

“These aren’t bad changes, you know.”

“I know, but.”

They’re all at once. Everything is happening to everyone. Sped up, too fast. Everyone and everything is changing.

“Go on.”

His voice is low and urging. Kuroko takes a breath.

“Momoi-san is engaged.”

“To who?”

Kuroko remembers the look on Aomine’s face whenever he says his name. Like he ate something putrid and wants to spit it out.

“Imayoshi-san.”

“Tuou’s captain from our first year?”

He nods.

“Oh...sure. I guess.” Kagami gives a laugh. “Is she happy?”

Kuroko lifts one shoulder.

“She seems it.”

“Okay, then. Who’s next?”

Kuroko thinks out of his immediate circle. His friends from middle school, his teammates from Seirin. More changes. He once wondered why Akashi broke down like he did in middle school when he thought he might lose, but this is like how Kuroko felt at the end of his third year, how he felt three days ago. Things you can’t control. Things that can spiral out from under you. The meat in your head firing out the wrong electricity into the wrong places.

“Midorima-kun,” he gets out. “He got into med school. He and Takao-kun moved in together.”

“He’s...a nurse, right?”

“ER nurse, yes.”

Himuro was friends with him, too. The two of them and Kise were always off together whenever Himuro wasn’t busy with Murasakibara whenever he came to Tokyo. It made sense that Kagami knows that Takao is a nurse since Himuro would know.

“Akashi-kun started handling things at his father’s business.”

“Keep going.”

“Furihata-kun is in Dili building bridges for his engineering degree.”

Kagami nods, even though he probably already knows what their teammates are up to.

“Where’s Dili?” he asks.

“East Timor. Near Indonesia.” Kuroko tips his head to the side. “You didn’t know?”

“Well, Furihata said Dili and I felt dumb not knowing where it was so I didn’t ask.”

“But you can ask me?”

“You already know that I’m dumb.”

It feels almost normal. Kuroko feels a lump develop in his throat. It takes a lot for him to cry--takes a lot for  _ either _ of them to cry, despite Kagami’s openness with his emotions.

“I guess the Akashi Group is going to open an Indonesian branch.”

Kuroko lets out a small laugh. Ever since their first year, Akashi has had a very obvious crush on Furihata, who remained mostly oblivious. It doesn’t help that, for all his talents, Akashi has zero ability to flirt.

“Who else?”

“The Captain and Riko-san are getting married, but you knew that.”

“I did.”

There’s someone whose name they aren’t saying. Kuroko closes his eyes and draws in a breath.

“Aomine-kun--”

“I know. You two--well, you’re together, aren’t you?”

Kuroko doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say to begin to decipher it.

“That’s why I didn’t get why you showed up to  _ me _ when you’ve got  _ him.” _

He shakes his head.

“It isn’t like that.”

“But you’re sleeping with him.”

Kuroko hesitates and that’s all it takes. Kagami sighs and lets go of his hands.

“It’s okay that you are.”

_ It’s okay if you did. _

“No--Kagami-kun. I. Yes, Aomine-kun and I have been together but my feelings for him don’t have to do with my feelings for you.”

“Don’t they?”

“They do and don’t. I love him and I love you.”

Kagami looks confused.

“Like...right.”

Their time together, all three of them. Tangled limbs and kissing mouths.

“So you came here…”

“Because I needed you to ground me,” he says. “Aomine-kun got that he couldn’t.”

That’s giving him too much credit--that he understands. Aomine has always thought he was second choice to Kagami. His love for him is both the same and different as what he feels for Kagami. What he needs from them both. Because he’s selfish. He flies thousands of miles to show up unannounced on Kagami’s doorstep because he  _ needs _ him. Not the other times, like they’d planned. Not when Kagami needed him after learning he had to quit basketball.

He lets out a choked noise and falls against him.

“I’m sorry, Kagami-kun. I’ve been so selfish.”

Tears aren’t coming but Kuroko is gasping, making noises he’s never heard himself make. Kagami holds him. He strokes his hair.

“You aren’t an anchor or an object. You deserve so much,” he gets out.

“Shh. Shh.”

What Aomine needs from him, and Kagami. What they can give each other. He’s colossally fucked up, hasn’t he? He shudders in Kagami’s arms.

“I have no right to ask if you’re seeing someone when me and Aomine-kun--”

“Shh,” he says again. “You’re okay. I guess I see your point...when we were...yeah. It’s okay if it’s him.”

Kuroko looks up at him. “Is it?”

“Yeah--I. It really is. I just thought if you had him, you didn’t really need me or anything. Y’know?”

He shakes his head.

“No.  _ No.” _

There’s so much more to say, both to Kagami and back home to Aomine. Who’s there for him to take him to the airport. To deal with his breakdown. To take the cigarette out of his mouth and chuck it out the window. For them  _ both. _ He doesn’t know if Kagami feels anything for Aomine at all or if it’s a pipe dream on his part. One thing at a time. He’s in Los Angeles. He’s with Kagami. The world hasn’t sped up because things are changing. He can be okay.  _ They _ can be okay.

“So...wanna go for a ride?” Kagami asks. “To the beach or something?”

Kuroko nods. There’s still so much to do but this is a start. For all of them. His mind, as it does, thinks ahead to flying Aomine out here to talk to them both. Figure it all out. But he stops it. One thing at a time. He can’t fly off the handle and fly across an ocean again.

“Santa Monica Boulevard,” he says.

Kagami grins.

“Sure. Sure.”

He gets up off the couch and offers his hand to Kuroko. He sets aside the abandoned takeout container, and takes it.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter!](http://twitter.com/smugsnail)


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